Half term holidays for the little people start today. This is great for them – but historically not ideal for me. Working full time and only getting 20 days holiday a year means that inevitably I am not always around for all of the fun stuff. This year I have been able to take a few days off and like icing on a cake my Mum has come over – we haven’t seen her since our trip to visit my parents in France back in July – I literally couldn’t wait!
The little people & I drove down this afternoon to collect Mum from Bristol Airport…and they were very pleased to show off Figgy to her! Whilst we would love to spend 4 or 5 days going for walks in the woods, and enjoying the last few minutes of autumn sunshine, this half term we are set for a storm. So we will turn our hands to carving Pumpkins instead!
I have to confess I am looking forward to having a couple of days off work, not just so that I can hang out with the little people, but I am very tired this week, and am really looking forward to a “rest”.
The Mr finds himself constantly frustrated when I self diagnose….”oh I expect that I have that swollen lymph node because I have a snuffly cold” or “because of my leg infection”…but that slightly enlarged lymph node is still there 3 weeks on & I think it’s existence is starting to play on my mind.
Like many people who get a Melanoma diagnosis the constant fear of “when” hovers in the back of your mind. You try to live your life as normally as possible – to live in a positive place, where you don’t constantly wait for bad news but instead enjoy every happy moment….but that is sometimes easier to say than to do.
I spent the first 3 months since finding out about Melanoma studying my skin and all of my freckles and moles – looking at every tiny dot with new eyes…the enemy not so much within but on my skin. Never sure what looked good, questioning each and every mark for how long it had been there – was it new…had it changed…skin paranoia took hold.
I now find myself feeling for the “lump”…checking if it is still there every time I wake up in the morning… it is often the last thing I do at night too. I sometimes check on it in the day when I visit the ladies room….but thankfully decorum prevents any further fretting!
I have had a week of frustration juggling appointments with the various departments at the hospital…they wanted me to have an ultrasound to see what this little lump is & I suppose I assumed that the results would be given to me on the same day…. unfortunately not – so next week also includes 2 trips up to Oxford.
I had also wanted to see the Trial team at the same time, to start the ball rolling…to officially sign up…but what with juggling apppointments & my work I was starting to think that it wouldn’t be possible & a 3rd trip to Oxford would be needed. Thankfully one of the Trial team called me up. The very first test that gets done in the process of starting the trial is a full body CT Scan. They need to rule out the spread of anything before commencing on various more invasive tests that are needed before I can even start the trial.
A CT Scan will in itself provide a much more conclusive answer about what this pea sized blob is…and as the lady explained, why have the ultrasound as well – plus I will get to meet with them & sign the trial paperwork at the same time!
So Monday morning I will once again fast, go thirsty & then drive through said aforementioned storm up to Oxford to then drink a gallon (exaggeration) of water before I get injected with that painful red radioactive dye & have the CT Scan – my second in 3 months!
I am a little nervous – I didn’t exactly enjoy my last CT Scan….plus this will actually be my first “solo” appointment.
I had an extra, unexpected treat today though…a letter arrived in the post – more of a “Pink Slip”…the results from the 2 moles removed two weeks ago…and a scribbled note at the bottom “Good News!”….thank you to whomever in Oxford that sent that over x much needed x
In the meantime I have lots of lovely half term fun things to concentrate on……some of them scary…but that is to be expected – it is Halloween after all!!!