I have been a bit quiet on the blog updates.
I am genuinely sorry.
But I am also not!
I have had a bit of “time” on my hands…which I will elaborate on another time…..but I have been enjoying the run up to Christmas more than I could have imagined…more than I feel I “should have”…
Christmas is scary when you have Melanoma….well frankly when you have any Cancer….when you have a sort of invisible ticking clock sitting there in the back of your mind…like the ghosts of Christmas past that keep coming back to haunt you…to remind you of all of those things you keep saying that you are going to do – going to be – and are not.
Yesterday we went to my uncles funeral….Mr Peanut to me….he was the funniest man….he was also a really good man & his loss (to Cancer) makes this world and everyone who was blessed with his friendship and love just that little worse off. I didn’t really truly appreciate how special he was until recently. He was adored by The Little People & they are extremely good judges of character!
The idea of mortality and death this time of year is very hard for me to absorb….I sort of pop up a great big wall and sing “la la la la” really loudly in my head to prevent any gloom taking hold…..I have had to sadly acknowledge the loss of 2 friends from my Melanoma support group…I send Christmas wishes and prayers for another friend with Melanoma who is fighting very hard to battle the monster when she has been told there are no longer any options for her…she has tried them all….and she is making this Christmas as magical as possible as she can for her young son.
My heart breaks at all of this….not for me…but for others. It isn’t my “fear”….more my love for those around me…it hurts most to see them hurting.
Being healthy & happy…being in a good place….almost seem devious….selfish….and I see many other Melanoma friends apologise for talking about good things when there are others whose battles are coming to an end.
But this is my 2nd Christmas since I was diagnosed!!!
I have shaken any Scrooge and Bah Humbug particles away….elements that have dented me are not welcome this year! This Christmas I have been the joiner…the one that zooms up to the dance floor at The Mr’s works Christmas Party…..the one that says yes I will have that G & T when I am cleaning the house at 12pm on Christmas Eve….why the heck not!?!
I am allowing myself the luxury of planning ahead….and getting excited about those plans.
I have had one hell of a 2014. It has been….entertaining to say the least!
Melanoma and I are learning how to live with each other…..for now I am the one setting the terms & because of that I am going to step away until the New Year and make every moment of this 2nd milestone Christmas count….and wish you all a wonderful Christmas!
I hope that it brings you all your wishes and everything that you hope for.
I have everything I want. I have the Little People and a house full of smiles.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!