I am a mix of emotions today…and it’s not all about me!
As you know on Saturday my son broke his arm….and had a temporary cast put on…& we were to return to Gloucester Royal Hospital to attend fracture clinic to “review”…..and guess what….that day was today!
Of all the random, hideous, coincidences….today….of all days….I had to spend back in hospital…the same hospital where exactly 2 years ago I was told I had Melanoma.
This morning I was a bag of nerves….what was I dreading most? Being back there today…or potentially seeing my son in pain?
Let’s just get the selfish me bit out the way first….I am alive people!!!
I have had the most surreal 2 years ever. I have been through pain, heartache and almost grieved for my family for the impending “loss” of me….that hasn’t yet happened. I have found strength and drive for a subject that has never interested me before.
I have lost friends…but made many, many more. I have lost “me”…but found a new “me”…and the new me can run!!! (scoffs loudly!)
I am healthy…I feel healthy….and yes, I have a surgery next week to look forward to…and yes I have Cancer…but I feel good….I feel…
…honestly…..I feel a bit guilty…to be “alive”…to be in such good health….but I understand this mix of emotions is relatively normal.
So as you can imagine I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about the idea of being back in the very place where the rollercoaster started 2 years ago to the day. But I put on a brave face….held my son’s hand (he did try and wriggle away….apparently 9 year olds don’t need to hold Mummy’s hand as they walk along anymore!)….and I concentrated on the only person that mattered this morning.
He was so brave as the Doctor twisted his arm back into position & they bandaged it up…..he puffed away on the Entinox & had the staff in hysterics as he babbled incoherently to distract himself!
Sadly the subsequent X-ray showed that the bone hasn’t moved back as we would have wanted and in order to protect him from years of issues with his elbow the best option….is surgery.
So tonight we will go out, my lovely little family & me….tonight we will celebrate quietly…that Mummy is still here…surrounded by those I love….and tomorrow I take my boy back to hospital (it’s an addiction…I love the place so much!)….and I will need braver pants than I have ever needed before.
It’s not me having the general tomorrow….it’s my son.