Not literally slaps & tickles…it’s an analogy….I am not really a “slap” kind of person unless we are talking the Slip, Slap,Slop Australian sun motto!…and as for tickles…well I love tickling my Little People…but I shriek like a baby if they try to tickle me back….I blame my older brother!
The analogy is more about this last week or two of mental swings…from enthusiasm to frustration….from high to…well not low so much as apprehension…but I think I was expecting it.
Let me explain…..last year we created a marvellous vegetable patch in the front garden….but then because of rain, cats & butterflies we lost over 50% of the crop. It was frustrating & disheartening. This year we took radical action….a large cage has been constructed over the entire Veg patch so that we can walk into it…but the mesh prevents Butterflies or other wildlife (some less wild than others) from destroying the bounty.
…..and it has been working brilliantly….so that is the happy bit…..even better we planted flowers all around the front entrance and the climbing roses we all just about to bloom….and then one of us accidentally left the front gate open overnight & a deer came in and ate the tender heads off every single flower & bud in the garden! *Slap*
I did a presentation at the local school talking to the children about Sun Safety because the school has signed up to the Skcin Sun Safe Schools campaign. It went brilliantly. The children were engaged and I didn’t feel like I was preaching…more encouraging them to think about Sun lotion & hats.
That was last week……the number of children running around at school with hats on has tripled…success!….and then this week it has been grey & rained 3 days in a row *Slap*
I had a couple of meetings relating to Melanoma…really positive meetings….including a great meeting with the Cancer Trials senior nurse Nikki Hayward at Oxford. She gave me a behind the scenes guided tour of the Trials office & the Cancer research facilities and we had a talk with Lucy Beesley and Michael Youdell who are part of the research management and public engagement team at the Churchill hospital.
There is something really rewarding about talking and sharing ideas with people who clearly want to see patients becoming more involved and more central to the cancer developments within their hospital.
My meetings gave me a feeling of a high….I came home bouncing with enthusiasm….and saw a white envelope on the kitchen counter….an envelope from Oxford.
But not just a normal franked envelope…..this one had a stamped blue Key symbolising that it was REALLY private & confidential.
The 12 month CT scan is near…… *Slap*
Reality dawns…..it doesn’t matter how excited I get about projects…about working with people to raise awareness and make a difference….I have this monster lurking inside & one day it is resurface…I might get a warning beforehand or it could just be that I have a CT Scan and the scan shows the monster has already returned and is wreaking havoc unbeknownst to me.
Melanoma hides….goes dormant…and then *Slap*
There is no tickle with Melanoma…no pleasure…no happy part…you might be lucky, like I have been to have a pause it it’s cycle of torment…..well sort of a pause, I haven’t exactly had a break from hospitals for the last year.
In the last week I have been speaking to the family of one friend who has just died from Melanoma, another close friend who has an anxious wait to find out if her Melanoma has progressed, whilst another friend is in the Christie hospital hoping that the TILS surgery she is about to have will fight her Melanoma, and give her more time…because this is her last hope.
So now I have a knot in my stomach…it’s anxiety…I have been here before….I can’t help but worry if my period of grace is coming to an end….more than likely just Melanoia playing games with my mind again.