I like a good headline to a blog post.
The Melanoia is a topic I have discussed with you before. The Paranoia that is induced by a Melanoma diagnosis. The fear of progression. The waiting and…. frankly disconcertingly….almost willing something to happen because then you don’t have to wait anymore & can just get some kind of closure.
I have taken my path…my means of control over the monster with health & food…..that doesn’t mean that I am not occasionally faced with sudden blows of Melanoia….panic attacks….anxiety that takes my breath away….I try to control it by convincing myself that I am making it harder for progression to occur because of what I am doing to improve my cells from the inside……and considering it is nearly 18 months since my diagnosis….and I am still NED…. I am obviously doing something right.
Not everyone finds Melanoia as easy to manage.
Last month I wrote a piece for a charity called Mind & Skin on the impact of a Melanoma diagnosis. They asked me to write another blog for them and this time I have discussed Melanoia. The mental impact of paranoia faced by Melanoma patients.
Link to Melanoia Blog on Mind and Skin.
Good health shouldn’t be something we take for granted…..but it isn’t always the drugs and surgeries that can be exhausting and debilitating….we should never forget the toll on our minds & souls that a cancer diagnosis…and in particular a watch and wait notice can have upon patients…and their loved ones.
Christmas is approaching…..I am really getting into the seasonal spirit this year.
Less surgeries….and more understanding of the disease that I have has helped to provide clarity, and plans for projects next year that have captured my interest provide fabulous mental distraction, meaning that this Christmas I am not faced with “is it my last?” in my mind constantly.
I still fear the unknown…the potential destructive nature of Melanoma…I witness it’s brutality amongst friends in the support group.
But this year I am letting a bit more of “Christmas” in…..curling up on the sofa watching Christmas movies with the little people….taking pleasure in the decorating…I don’t feel so rushed….I don’t feel the need to fit it all in.
I saw a viral video a few days ago…a frighteningly seasonal video…..no it wasn’t the John Lewis advert…although on a complete tangent I would like to say I much preferred the Sainsburys Christmas advert this year…a real tear jerker & very apt.
Anyhoo…the video was from the police….an anti “Drink & Drive” message.
You know the sort of thing….heart-breakingly sad…horrifically graphic…..and yet potentially possible. We all zoom around in our busy worlds and when we do get the chance to let our hair down…to relax….we forget our better judgement…..
I have experienced a car accident as a passenger…I have lost friends and come very close to losing a loved one through a tragic accident many years ago.
From that day on I carried a Donor card…I would happily give my blood…and in the event of my death I would have previously said…go ahead…..take my organs too…because you never know when the tables would be turned and you would hope that the blood and body parts would be needed by you…or a member of your family.
Scarily close…too close for comfort this thought…I appreciate the uncomfortable nature.
Yet here is my concern.
I have Cancer.
I am no longer allowed to be on the Donor list. You wouldn’t want me to be & I wouldn’t wish Melanoma and a single Melanoma cell on you or anyone else.
Cancer rates are rising faster than we can “cure” cancer. But the amazing thing is that through treatments, survival WITH cancer is improving. I am not just talking about Melanoma – I mean any Cancer.
But with that increase comes a natural and inevitable impact – some of those cancer patients are donors…like I was…and we can no longer give blood…we can no longer share our organs when we pass.
What happens when there are too many Cancer patients – when the balance shifts over the 50% of the population mark…If you have an accident then…where will your lifeline come from???
I don’t have the answer to my theoretical question…I always thought when I had little people that I would be there forever to watch them grow….this certainty has wobbled a bit….but the other certainty I had was that in an emergency I would be their safety net….I can’t be….my blood is tainted.
I watch these seasonal videos…some make me laugh…others make me think deep and hard about the impact of cancer…of my cancer…upon my family…mentally and physically.